Early...veery early...
by Sherra-sama
Summary: My first attempt at a fanfiction. See what caffeine does late at night?


Author's Notes: This is my first fanfic attempt. My sister and I came up with this one late night playing OOT. See what caffeine does to the mind? I've had this written up for a while, and I've finally gotten around to typing it. Yay! ^_^ And don't flame me about the fun I've poked at Ganondorf...  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own this game series or the characters in it or Lon- Lon Milk. If I did, I wouldn't have to write ficcies about it!! ^^  
  
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Ganondorf walks out of his castle. It is early morning, and his flaming red hair is done up in chunky pink rollers. He has on a brown terrycloth robe with "Evil King" embroidered on it as though he had found it at one of those stores for teenage girls where everything is either sparkly or fuzzy and extremely overpriced. On his feet are brown bunny slippers that squeak when you stomp your foot. They match his bathrobe. He is holding his favorite coffee mug, custom made just for him. It says:  
  
Ganondorf n.;sing. The ultimate evil adj.;sing. Drop dead gorgeous.  
  
He looks up at his depressing castle, and begins to sing, "Hail to the king I'm the king and I need hailing..." Right on cue, a hailstorm starts. "Ha ha ha ha!!" Ganondorf laughs as he scans the gloomy sky above the castle. "Another perfect day. Ahhh...smell the sulfur and the molten lava. I LOVE Mondays!!!"  
  
Ganondorf continues to survey his surroundings and finally notices the pleasant rainbow colored bridge that the Sages built for Link. "What the heck is this?? ARRRRGH!!! The color!! It's too freaking early for those vibrant colors!! Stupid Sages, they're trying to blind me!!" Ganondorf, however is prepared for *anything.* He whips out his trusty sunglasses that have an uncanny resemblance to Drew Carey's glasses and dons them.  
  
He sighs with relief as he turns around and pulls the paper off the wall where the paperboy had pinned it with an arrow and begins to read, "Link saves Goron race...Polls show Link sexiest man in Hyrule...Link, Link, Link...grrr...What's that down there?" Ganondorf whips out a magnifying glass like only an anime character can and peers at the minute writing through it. "Hmmm...Ganondork's reign of terror not over?!? WHAAT?? MY MERCILESS HOLD ON HYRULE AND ITS PATHETIC OCCUPANTS ISN'T AS IMPORTANT AS THAT PESKY KID LINK??? AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD THOSE MORONS THAT IT'S GANONDOR*F* NOT GANONDOR*K*!!! ARRRRGH!!" Ganondorf's Triforce of Power gleams golden and the unfortunate individual responsible for that "typo" at the Newspaper's offices is suddenly fried by a blue lightning bolt.  
  
Grumbling, the Evil King trudges back into his castle. A few moments later he reappears with a look on his face vile enough to scare away even the stationary Beamos guarding his front hall. He forgot his Lon-Lon Milk! He gazes across the Bridge of Sage at the innocent crate. He draws a deep breath, and braves the treacherous Rainbow Bridge. Two steps in he slips on a hailstone the size of a baseball and, spilling his coffee, falls flat on his back. The corrosively strong decaf Gerudo Roast splatters all over, burning holes through his robe and curlers. His skin and hair, oddly enough, is unaffected.  
  
The force of the landing knocks the wind out of him, and in surprise he drops his precious coffee cup. It bounces twice, right off the bridge and into the molten lava. "Nooo!!" Ganondorf cries, "Not my favorite mug! Why?! Snivel, hic. Recollecting himself, Ganondorf gets back up and (being cautious of the Hailstones of Doom) retrieves the crate full of delicious and nutritious Lon-Lon Milk, conveniently packed in eye-catching Lon-Lon Milk bottles. In order to be a successful evil dictator, one must drink milk for its nine essential nutrients and for bone-strengthening calcium!! And don't forget to recycle!!  
  
From the window in the uppermost room of the Castle, Princess Zelda had been able to watch all of Ganondorf's escapades below. She was literally rolling with laughter, and laughed all the harder when Ganondorf's cursing directed at some unfortunate Evil Minions, the Beamos by the sound of it, carried up into the Organ Room. (Or if you'd prefer, the "Battle Room" or "Room Where Zelda Is at This Very Moment.") When Ganondorf began to ascend the stairs, Zelda jumped back into the Rosy Crystal, locking its back door behind her. Ganondorf stormed into the room, oblivious to the fact that his prisoner could escape at any given moment. He sat down at the organ and began to play it. Haunting music began to sound throughout the castle's keep. All that was now needed was the Hero, who happens to be a late sleeper. Perhaps being ready by 5 a.m. wasn't such a great idea, eh, Ganondorf? 


End file.
